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“Live for each second without hesitation.” — Elton John
July 22, 2025
Walking This LONG Road: A Caregiver’s Journey with My Mom
Six years ago, I became my mother’s caregiver. She has dementia. I remember conversations from years gone by as she watched several of her friends deal with family members with dementia and Alzheimer’s and she would always say to me, well at least that is one thing you won’t have to worry about it does not run in our family. Then one day, like a lightning bolt out of nowhere, it became part of our world.
It’s strange how life changes roles. The woman who once cared for me, who taught me how to walk, how to speak, how to find joy in little things—now relies on me more and more for nearly everything. Some days I feel like the parent, and she, the child.
I take care of her because I love her. Because she deserves dignity and the best quality of life for however long we have together. But being a caregiver is not easy.
The stress is constant, and I have had to learn patience. Lots of deep breaths before I continue a frustrating conversation with her. It is not her fault, and I know it. The exhaustion runs deep. My back aches from helping her. My body feels 150 years old as I approach 60. Watching her decline—from the vibrant, strong woman I once knew to the fragile version of herself now—is heartbreaking. I know things will get harder still. But I try to cherish each day, to hold onto the small moments of connection and love. I make sure there are lots of hugs and praise! It’s the little things she finds joy in. She has always loved card games, so we play memory card games to try to stimulate her brain. Mostly she just turns over cards trying to find a match to her favorite the giraffe and I kid her is worth a trillion points and we get all excited when she finds the giraffes. Some days she does good and wins. I got her some coloring books and we both try to stay in the lines but laugh when we don’t. I try to keep up with the physical therapy I have been taught to do for her, it is getting harder for her to do and the pain in her body grows more and each. I do my absolute best to make sure she is not in any pain. I am blessed she has some great doctors who are kind and caring.
It’s hard to explain this life to others—even to those who have cared for aging parents. We all walk our own roads, and no two paths are the same. What I experience is mine alone, and sometimes it feels like no one truly understands or cares. Some day’s people will say – you need to a get a job not understanding I have a 24/7 365 job now. It really hurts my feelings they do not understand or think I do nothing and they make me feel like a loser because my bank account is close to zero and I can’t go out and buy the things they can and go the places they can. I will change places with them anytime and maybe they will see. Being a caregiver for your loved one is the HARDEST job you will ever have. Or I hear from cold hearted people, just put her in a nursing home and go and live your life. Well, I don’t want to do that till absolutely last resort. My parents deserve to stay with me, I am their family, in familiar surroundings as long as they can and not just be stuck somewhere. I have seen what a nursing home is like and I don’t want them there if at all possible. I do my best, but the struggle is real. I keep a lot to myself bottled up and pretend all is great when it’s not and I am at the end of my rope. And the tears start to flow when I am alone.
I don’t have the freedom to do what I want, when I want. I don’t get to live a “real life” and be a “real person” like others. I appreciate the few hours here and there I am able to get out usually to do my nature photography to destress and then sometimes to do portraits with a few friends who make me laugh and forget my struggles if only for a little while. There is still so much I want to do in my life…I want to travel, see so many more beautiful national parks and all the beauty around me. But I cannot right now, no time and no money. I see time slipping by—tick, tock—faster and faster. People tell me, “One day you’ll be free, and you can do all the things you want to do.” But that day doesn’t bring me comfort.
Because that day means saying goodbye.
And yet, I know my mom is at peace with it. Her faith is so very strong (she still reads her bible or I read to her every single night) and she has helped me find my faith from the time I was a kid. Over the years she’s told me not to be sad when her time comes. She looks forward to seeing her mom, dad, brother, and friends who are all now in Heaven—and meeting God face to face!. She smiles SO BIG when she talks about this last journey she will be on! She’s assured me again and again: “Don’t grieve too long. It will be a glorious day.”
I hold onto that!
And I find comfort in knowing I’ll still feel her presence. I have never felt our loved ones are in the grave we put them in, only their human body, not their souls. They are all around us. She loves nature—she’s where I got my own love for it—and I know when I see a hummingbird or butterfly, it’ll be her saying, Hi, I’m still with you.
But we’re not there yet. We still have time. Time for fun silly card games, time for taco Tuesday which can be any day of the week, time for frosties, time for pizza hut pizza. Time for me getting her out and driving around, looking at the clouds and the beautiful mountains where we live. And on good days, time for one more antique store or garage sale. It’s not easy, kills my back every time we get out, but I do it because it’s important for both of us.
Each day brings new challenges. She can’t walk on her own anymore without holding onto me or her walker. She needs oxygen because of a paralyzed diaphragm and asthma, she forgets names, she falls at times even though I follow her around with hands held out helping. (I have padded everything I can and have threatened to put bubble wrap on her to which she just laughs) She loses her train of thought and gets so frustrated. Her hands shake which make me so sad to see. She’s so thin, even though she eats well. She has lost her hearing some but somehow can still hear me when I say the word CHOCOLATE from across the room every single time! lol Every single day, I give 150% of myself to her and do my best.
I make sure she’s safe. That her medical needs are met. That she has comfortable pajamas, fresh warm blankets from the dryer, give her a bath, wash hair and heck I have even cut her hair the last 5 years for her. Make sure her favorite foods are stocked in the fridge. I even wage endless battles on the phone with her insurance company, because someone has to fight for her. And at the end of the day, once I can drag her away from the Hallmark channel at 10pm, I hold on to her and help her to bed and tuck her in and tell her I love her.
Some days feel like I’m living Groundhog Day—the same routines over and over. Some days are better, some worse. But it’s all part of the plan.
Being a caregiver is lonely. I’m doing this on my own. And I feel alone. My Dad helps the best He can, but he is mid 80s. I help him too. There’s no paycheck with this job, which means I also carry constant financial stress of how will bills get paid, how to keep our 20+ year old car running so we’re not stranded on the side of the road and how can we afford a newer used small van or suv very soon to make my life easier when I need to get her out with all that comes with her. And in the end when its just me, the overwhelming constant worry how will I live with no money in the bank. These are things many people take for granted and these are the things that keep me up most every night. It would be so much easier and less stressful with $$$ in the bank. One less worry for me. I don’t need millions just enough I can feel a little peace knowing it will be okay, and I can breathe, but I don’t and it’s not. The stress is slowly killing me. This world is hard and getting harder to live in. Life is not fun. The future is even scarier.
And yes—I am so over stressed. I get angry. I get frustrated. I am exhausted!! I get sad and I get depressed. But I WILL HAVE ZERO REGRETS in the end. I gave them everything I had!
For now, I keep going. Because I love her. Tomorrow is another day.
The Adventure Awaits – come on along, Cindy
June 10, 2025
Slow Down. Enjoy the View.
Life moves fast. Too fast sometimes. As a photographer, I often find myself chasing the next perfect shot — racing to capture that golden light, that fleeting wildlife moment, that one-in-a-million frame. I plan, I scout, I wait, I press the shutter. Then, almost instantly, I’m packing up and moving on to the next stop, the next composition, the next opportunity.
But somewhere along the way, I’ve realized I’m missing something.
In my pursuit of freezing moments in time, I’ve forgotten to fully live them.
Putting the Camera Down
On a recent photo trip, I caught myself in a familiar pattern: rushing from one scenic overlook to another, scanning for the best angle, adjusting settings, snapping furiously as the sun dipped below the horizon. It wasn’t until later, scrolling through my memory card, that it hit me…
I couldn’t remember what the air smelled like that evening.
Or the sound of the wind rustling the grass.
Or how the warmth of the last sunlight felt on my skin.
I had been there… but I hadn’t really been there.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do is put the camera down. To stop documenting and start experiencing. To let the scene soak into our souls instead of just our sensors.
The Beauty in the Little Things
It’s not always about the grand vistas or dramatic wildlife encounters. It’s about:
The call of a distant owl as the stars emerge.
The scent of pine trees in the morning dew.
The soft crunch of gravel under your boots.
The quiet companionship of sitting still in nature, heart beating in rhythm with the world around you.
These are the moments that don’t fit neatly into a photo frame but leave a lasting imprint on your heart.
Time Slips Away
We all know how fast time goes. Days turn into years in the blink of an eye. Sunrises and sunsets come and go whether we notice them or not.
So next time you’re out chasing the light, remind yourself:
Pause.
Breathe deeply.
Take it all in.
The photo is important — but so is the experience.
Because when you look back years from now, you won’t just remember the images you captured… you’ll remember how it felt to stand there in awe of this beautiful world.
So slow down. Enjoy the view. Live the moment.
The Adventure Awaits – come on along, Cindy
May 1, 2025
We’re Live! (well sort of) A New Chapter for My Photography Website
After more than a few years of planning, designing, tweaking, and perfecting—we’re finally live! Welcome to the brand-new version of my photography website. I have lots of changes. First, I am now photographybycindy.com it makes sense it will represent all my photography, it’s easier to remember as no one could ever spell or say my last name correctly. Plus, in all honestly, I misplaced some information and lost my cindynowlinphotography.com domain. Hopefully someday I can get it back. I still consider my photography as Cindy Nowlin Photography, but my new domain is photographybycindy.com. I created the main page where shortly you can choose which part of my photography you wish to view. It will be broken down into three separate websites as that just makes it easier.
This relaunch has been a very long time coming, and I couldn’t be more excited to share it with you. What started as a few sketches on paper turned into a full-blown journey of creativity, problem-solving, and—if I’m being honest—a lot of late nights fueled by coffee and sheer determination. I still have a lot to do, so be patient. I started with the portrait section. Next will be adding the photos to the sports section from my days as a photographer with Maryville College and many local middle schools and high schools. Then my biggest reveal will be my brand-new Wildlife, Nature, Landscape and Travel photography website. I used to have a website showcasing my wildlife and landscape photos years and years ago, but the last 6-10 years life has gotten in the way. So honestly everything will be new to everyone.
Photography is all about capturing moments in time, and our old website, while it served us well for years, no longer captured who I am now. As my style evolved and portfolio grew, I knew I needed a space that reflected that growth. I wanted something cleaner, faster, easier to navigate, and more immersive—a space that showcases our images the way they deserve to be seen.
The Journey
Redesigning a website is no small task, especially when you’re deeply attached to every image, every story, and every pixel. I poured myself into this project, hand-picking every photo, rewriting every caption, and making sure each page truly represents my vision and the people I’ve had the privilege to photograph. I have known how to do website design for a very long time. My last website was all html and not responsive. And face it, today everyone does everything on their cell phone. So to jump into this new generation, I knew I had to make it fully responsive and cell phone friendly. I honestly created a new website a few years ago html, but in a responsive design. It was great, but life has thrown a lot at me, and I just never got it off the ground. This new website is a word press and when I started it, I knew nothing about word press. I spent countless nights watching 8 hour and 4 hour master classes and every YT video I could find on word press and how to design one. All in all, I think I have done pretty good. Still, probably lots of tweaking ahead. Word press is pretty simple, but occasionally things went wonky, and I had to figure out how to solve the issues and get back to moving forward. There were setbacks, tech hiccups, and moments we weren’t sure it would ever be “done.” But if there’s one thing photography has taught me, it’s patience. Great things take time—and this new website is proof of that.
What’s New?
A fresh portfolio layout that lets our work speak louder than words
New sections showcasing my Portrait work and my Sports Photography work
New photos in the wildlife, landscape and travel section coming soon
A blog section (you’re reading it!) where we’ll share stories behind the shots, photography tips, and more
Smoother navigation so you can find what you’re looking for faster
Mobile-friendly design that looks just as good on your phone as it does on your desktop
Thank You
To my amazing clients, followers, and fellow creatives—thank you for your support and encouragement along the way. You’ve been part of this journey whether you knew it or not, and I’m grateful.
Take a look around, explore the updated galleries, and let me know what you think. This new site is just the beginning of our next chapter—and we’re glad you’re here to see it.
Here’s to new beginnings and even better photos.
The Adventure Awaits – come on along, Cindy
“Memories are like stars; you may not be able to touch them but you can always look at them and they will brighten your day!” – Unknown